I look at the sky and it's still the same .
As always...forever...
That grey blue charted color which never changes.
It's looking back at me, the same look. The same expression.

I keep on thinking to myself,
what am I doing here.
I don't belong here,
I don't belong anywhere...

My existence is just a mere reflection of what people think,
what people want to see,
imagination of a perfect someone who always be kind and generous at first.
But.. in the end, whom everyone hates..

My personality rotten while time passes by,
and so does my relations with people.

My past is a living fantasy.
Nothing seems like what it supposed to be.
I feel like I'm going crazy..
Everything.. just so blurry.
 
My present is an empty glass.
Just waiting to be filled, again and again.
While all the guilt and stupidity keep on wasting it.
Consuming every last bit left inside.

Sometimes,
I pour tea into my glass,
It become sweet for a while, then it vanishes.
I add some coffee, I feel the bitterness taking over.
It also vanishes, gone forever.

No, I believe I can get it again.
I can get more.
And so,
I mix those two color of taste..
Mix them again and again,
with all my heart, tears, blood, and sweat.

Hoping it will be something different.
Something new, awesome, and unpredictable..
A wonderful thing,
that would change my life for the better.

Ah.. what a foolish thought,
the thought that kept me struggling for this 19 years of my life..

When I look at it, the glass,
It was cracked all along.
A huge crack,
hidden and secured.

Ah yes, that crack. The flaw in every effort I've done.
Why didn't I notice it before? ..Why?
What made this crack? ..What?
...I don't know myself.

Or maybe.... I'm just pretending that there's nothing all along.
I gave up.
I couldn't fix that crack..
It will only get bigger, and bigger.

And in the end,
there will be no more glass.
No more me.
I will be lost...forever.

Dark...dark....so dark.

Cold...cold..ever so cold.

Lonely...lonely..oh so lonely.

Hate.

Somehow,
I always feel like I'm in this space.
Far far away from everyone, everything.
The stars and planets around me rotate through the same circulation.
Round..round...and round they go.

And so,
I'm floating freely.
Moving so fast.....going nowhere.
Smiles and laughs, words and rhythms,
joy and sorrow, curiosity and determination.
Opening and closing, coming out of every black hole in my universe like life..

My life,
is always in pieces..
Making it in one piece,
was never my specialty.
Faking is, and always will be..

Music of the day :
Crashing - Gersey